YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize