When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
