of course. lets lasso hookers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
