Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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