im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
