true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
