They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize