somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
