as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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