I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize