woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
