Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
