i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
