i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
