i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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