well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
