did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm having to shit out rocks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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