this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize