what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
