susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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