I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
