make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
