woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
