So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
