I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
