So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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