Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
