He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
