Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
