Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
