I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
