god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
