Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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