Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want her autograph on my taint
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
