Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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