nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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