she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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