I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
