Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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