so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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