she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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