you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
