I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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