I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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