Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
