im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
