I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize