textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
