every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize