Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
