am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I bet he comes in French.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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