Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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