all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
