so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize