I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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