why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
