get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize