I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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