Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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