Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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