No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
