This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
