I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize