yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
