But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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