I didn't shave. On purpose
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
