i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
