What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
