The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
