I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
