She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Green mimosas i think yes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
