dude i'm inner monologue high
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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