I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
