Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize