I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
